Apoorva Joshi

PhD student - Information and Media; Environmental Science and Policy @Michigan State University

Independent journalist -

Environment, Science, International

The Step

For months I'd been contemplating this move but somehow, I always found a reason or two to delay what I had thought of doing. For a background check, Im someone who can be an extreme hard heart and the entire opposite as well; obviously depending upon the circumstances. A few months ago, something happened that should not have happened. Someone was misguided and someone else had to bear the brunt of that. Someone lost what they had worked very very hard for.. and for that person, who lost it all, this stuff wasn't just work. It was the world. And when that world came crashing down in front of that person's eyes, the person, being someone who strongly believes in endlessly trying to solve problems and misconceptions, tried and tried and tried to resolve issues. All in vain.
People that were once her own deserted her and walked right away. Most of the people she knew turned her back on her just when she most needed them. As if everything hadn't already gone wrong, she was faced my a massive health crisis. And yes.. she dealt with a LOAD of crap the entire time.. all alone.
If at all it taught her something, all this nonsense taught her to value herself and realize, that no one , I repeat, NO ONE is worth her trust.
Anyway, after all the crap that happened, a few hours ago, I did something I never imagined I would do. I just clicked, and said "Delete". Literally. I deleted someone who I was hoping would someday, understand how he had behaved, how it had affected relationships, how it had devastated somebody.. and how it had ensured that one should only be labelled as a "friend" when the person deserves that title.
I felt proud of myself for a bit this evening because I realized that due to my stubborn attitude of never giving up my habit of categorizing, I've gone through these things way infrequently compared to most others. I categorize and yes, I admit it. Acquaintance, Friend, Family. The end. There's no such thing as a best friend.
There's someone who did not value what I did for him and I forgave and forgave, and finally it just ended up making me completely messed up. Today, I realized that this one "Delete" now will save me a lifetime of mental torture. Some people, just don't deserve you. And that's how it should stay. Today, I took that step. Something I should have done ages ago.. but like I keep saying, or rather, kept saying - Im too good for my own good. :-/
I guess Im back to "hard-heart n' work" combo. Works fine and keeps me away from all the bullshit that happens around me. Does not feel good to be alone but it feels superb knowing that I did what was right, even when I got chucked out for something I didn't do, and even now. So, to those of you who ARE reading this and know what you've done.. go find yourself a new person you can falsely accuse n push around. Adios.

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