Apoorva Joshi

PhD student - Information and Media; Environmental Science and Policy @Michigan State University

Independent journalist -

Environment, Science, International

Off-track and Covered in Dirt

Another one of those "it hit me" days. This one's very random based on my thoughts while writing this. When people know you for ages, and more importantly, know you well for ages, isn't it obvious that they don't have misconceptions about you? Apparently not.
I'd always thought that people who're closest to me understand me, and know me. I don't how many people think that there is a very thin line of difference between understanding someone and knowing someone. Both may not exist simultaneously, though in an ideal relationship, they should.
When the most important thing in your life is your work, which is also your passion, and suddenly one fine day you begin to realize than maybe there is a human being at par with the position that your passion has in your life, you don't really know what to think. It takes a while, but it figures itself out. And just as you begin to think that a certain someone deserves a promotion in your life, that person begins to feel that nothing apart from your work can EVER get so much importance from you. And in a flash of a sentence, you're left in a lurch all over again.
At that moment, you feel like telling yourself, "See I TOLD you when Life is too good, it's just a dream!" , but you cant open your mouth to say anything 'coz you're shell-shocked! And then someday, when you're thinking about your life, and what's happened in it recently, you ask yourself, how could that person even THINK that I would not be there? Yes my wildlife means the world to me. But cant something else also mean the world to me? Again, apparently not.
I just seem to have been astonished at how people can just "feel" that I will one day vanish from the face of civilization and start living a wild life in the centre of some rainforest with only wildlife to support me and only wildlife to confide in, only wildlife to love. I mean, seriously! Sometimes I ask myself whether being so darn passionate about what you do is such a wrong thing in today's world, and more than that, I wonder why I never felt that way about ANY one in my life.. no matter how work-oriented or busy or whatever that person was. I don't know if I'm normal. I have NEVER had an insecurity complex. About anyone or anything. I guess Ive always been an idiot for having placed ultimate faith in someone and never expected them to think this way.
There's that mistake. Expect. Wrong bloody thing to do in life! Just when you think that there is finally some ONE who understands you AND knows you, Life takes another one of its infamous turns and throws you off track. I'm really tired of this F1 track that has been my life for the last 3 months. And since my faith in the human lot has gone lower than it ever was at any point in my life, I prefer a blog as a confidante.
I wish there was some way to make people realize that they are probably the ONLY ones to have ever received the kind of position they have in your life.. but sadly, it aint so. And then again, I feel like a doofus for not being someone who constantly "SAYS" what she feels. And the ONE time I decided to say something, Life shut me up with shock. Uske baad na muh kholne ki ichha hui, na zindagi mein khoya hua kal paane ki.
Yaar, iss Life naam ke bandhe se ek request hai - kuch time ke liye, gimme a break please. Let me set the current chaos in order, and then you may start pelting again. *Phew!!*

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