Apoorva Joshi

PhD student - Michigan State University; Independent journalist - environment, science and international news.

Fellow - International League of Conservation Writers.

Member - Society of Environmental Journalists, International Communication Association.

I Will Survive

"At first I was afraid
I was petrified
Kept thinking I could never live
without you by my side
But I spent so many nights
thinking how you did me wrong
I grew strong
I learned how to get along
and so you're back
from outer space
I just walked in to find you here
with that sad look upon your face
I should have changed my stupid lock
I should have made you leave your key
If I had known for just one second
you'd be back to bother me

Go on now go walk out the door
just turn around now
'cause you're not welcome anymore
weren't you the one who tried to hurt me with goodbye
did you think I'd crumble
did you think I'd lay down and die
Oh no, not I
I will survive

as long as i know how to love
I know I will stay alive
I've got all my life to live
I've got all my love to give
and I'll survive
I will survive

It took all the strength I had
not to fall apart
kept trying hard to mend
the pieces of my broken heart
and I spent oh so many nights
just feeling sorry for myself
I used to cry
Now I hold my head up high
and you see me
somebody new
I'm not that chained up little person
still in love with you
and so you felt like dropping in
and just expect me to be free
now I'm saving all my loving
for someone who's loving me"

This song by Gloria Gaynor, happens to be a very relevant song right now. Especially the part that asks, "did you think I'd crumble, did you think I'd lay down and die?" It's been a very rough ride. Learned a lot. And yes, I did learn how to get along. But what it did, is that it put a stain on certain people for the rest of my life. I will never be able to trust these people when it comes to anything. Of course, no one is a bad person. To each, his own. But then, diffidence in someone you claim to love, isn't the sort of thing that can get you in the good books of that person!
At this point, it's sorta like a constant reminder that no matter what happens, for a bunch of nitwits, I do mean something still. And their presence in my life makes every moment of crap worth it.. because, in the end, I know that if I need them, THESE chaps will not give up on me, or let go of my hand. It's an unwritten agreement. And I have no reason to believe that just because of one thousand bad experiences, the next one is gone be no. 1001!!
A big thank you.. to my dearest, closest most weird friends...who have, are and always will be with me even through the stinkiest of bullshit! Just that one person missing. Whiskey. The actual light of my life. :) The 4 legged retard who puts the heart beat in my life and the oxygen in my haemoglobin! :) The craziest, wackiest, most adorable.. Whiskey. :) I miss that kid. *Sigh* Ahh well.. at least I know she's there too!
I figure - either Im not as bad as certain people make me out to be, or then all these suckers who stick with me as my friends, are equally pathetic... :D Whatever the case may be, I love them..and yeah, they do love me! :D
Bottom line is : I WILL survive!!

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