The last 3 months, have been completely CRAZY. I honestly didn't expect the start of the 3rd decade of my life to involve such complicated crap! But well, since it's there, I'd rather deal with it than just sit and mope around. My moping period is over.
Right from April 1st, life's been going topsy turvy.. a few weeks in between were decent and then, stormy again. Now, it's a full-fledged hurricane! But, thankfully, I'd had my defence system rebuilt recently. Sometimes, it's hard to understand why certain people change so much, and why suddenly, your position in their life goes even lower than "down the drain", but I guess, in the end, something good really does come out of bad stuff.
As a realist who is rather optimistic about life (sometimes that can be a pain by the way), I tend to feel that there is a bright side to everything. Today I realize, that's not entirely true. There's a bright side, only when you want there to be one. If you convince yourself that this is the end, and just shut your eyes, then it's going to be tough. I don't think small things in life get enough credit. The real strength isn't in actually getting up and moving on. It's in the thought of keeping a level headed approach to what comes next and telling yourself, that even though things are this bad right now, if you close your doors, you're going to miss out. And not wanting to miss out is the strength. Excruciating details, I know. But I really think that most people, when they say, "get up and walk when you fall", really mean that "keep telling yourself that your time will come and stay awake for it.. don't drift off into depressed sleep".
Again today, I realized that feeling when you're at your wits' end and you've said all the negative stuff you can, the point where you say, "Enough whining! Let me at 'em!" , is such an adrenaline rush!! It feels great to know that you're not down and under and you still can choose to thrash your problems out of your face. The feeling that you still have what it takes to stand up and be happy, is a great feeling.
I have no clue why I'm thinking of such details.. but it's a good feeling.. (it's not particularly great typing all this since my fingers are practically torn and ripped from playing too much Guitar.. ) All in all, life's a VERY weird dinner. You really like some of it, you detest part of it, and then there's the part you think is passable..
Usually when I'm in such a mood, I look through a lot of photographs.. of my wild escapades, or family trips (which most often than not are to Goa), or images of wild animals, habitats, and friends.. It's like therapy. Leaves a very nostalgic taste on my mind's tongue. Am now in a decent mood. Have made a plan for myself. And surprisingly, even after losing almost everything I worked for, I'm STILL over worked!! I fail to understand how that happens, but I'm ecstatic that what I said was proved right! I was telling myself that just coz' this is a long dark era, doesnt mean the sun won't ever rise. And walla! I still have Gharials to work for.. I still have wildlife to conserve.. coz' at the end of the day, people will come n go, and leave you to rot, but your work, never leaves your side. And you can't run from it, coz when it's in your blood, it will catch up with u, and bite you in your ass and remind you that it's right there! :) Brilliant feeling!
The sun is rising again. Adrenaline is at it again. The zeal and passion are working overtime and the monsoon is finally starting to feel like "my season" again! :)
So what if I work for different people now? So what if I have a few bruises and some broken bones? Who said that those are bad things?
"Get on up when you're down, baby;
Take a good look around.
I know it's not much,
But it's ok..
Keep on movin; on anyway!" - makin a lot of sense again! :D