Apoorva Joshi

PhD student - Information and Media; Environmental Science and Policy @Michigan State University

Independent journalist -

Environment, Science, International

Cast Away

All my life, for as long as I have known myself, I have always been the kind who has no qualms being myself. Today, I wonder, why people have such a problem with that. I used to think that once a relationship is established, no amount of caoxing and no amount of external force and pressure can melt the foundation of that relationship.
I was wrong. Not just melt, apparently, a relationship can come CRASHING down. Even when you place all your trust and faith in its very foundation. One breeze comes and the few words it brings with it, end up destroying what took you years to build. Only you know how much effort you have put in to not only build, but also maintain a relationship.. and suddenly, the smallest of things comes by and blasts your construction to nothing but mere debris. And this debris is what hurts the MOST.
I wonder how people claim that they trust you, and at the first chance they get, they prove themselves wrong. Is trust actually so gullible? Is it actually so feeble that it can just be withdrawn after trivial words?
It's strange how, even when you know you've done nothing wrong, being true to yourself can also hurt you so much! Sometimes there's an incredibly strong desire to scream at and yell at or throw something at that person.. and then sometimes, there's a desire to just keep quiet, get up and walk again, but I cannot even explain HOW MUCH that hurts.. keeping quiet, when you know you've done nothing wrong.. hurts. Sometimes I think, I've done my job. I've explained. Even after that if people cannot trust my own word about myself, then they can choose to believe whatever the hell they want to.. and I will just have to move on, and see other people take my place as time goes by..
Now, right now, at this point, I realize- this is never going to stop hurting. It's a very obvious realization. And now I detest myself for placing that faith in someone who reciprocated by letting go of my hand and asked me never to return.. How can people do that? It's basic humanity!
I know Ive lost nothing professionally, but personally, I'm never trusting anyone ever again. People just do not deserve it.
Strange that for every good moment Life gives us, it gives about 50 bad and 49 pathetic experiences free with that good moment. I have no more words..

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