Apoorva Joshi

PhD student - Information and Media; Environmental Science and Policy @Michigan State University

Independent journalist -

Environment, Science, International

Wish you were here..

One of those "low" phases. When all friends are either busy, or so far away that you can lose count of the kilometers between you. And at times when you realize you need the best of them around you, with you, circumstances and that miscreant called Life are conspiring and trying their best to keep your friends away from you.
One of those times when you're literally "all by yourself" and have to deal with whatever comes alone. Without faltering , without shaking your confidence. You've to deal with situations with immense patience and use your brain while convincing your heart that you will see better times ahead. A few months ago, I would have been the person to not do any of this patience stuff. I guess, the way people have behaved, over the last few months have made me realize that it only helps to have patience built within. Sometimes, it can be a surprising weapon. When no one expects you to show patience regarding something, and you miraculously do, its called the "element of surprise".
But anyway, every time you think that may be, just may be, life's going to start being fair from now on, and that you can finally make concrete plans for the next 2months.. one little change in your "schedule" comes in the picture and subsequently ruins your entire plan... your hopes and your dream of being , finally, with the people you love and in the places you love. There are no Angels, no Miracles, no God is here to help you out of this. To hoist you out of this deep deep well of silent frustration, there is no knight in shining armor, or any armor!! There is absolutely no one who can reverse some things that happen. And they keep you away from the people, places, and things you love the most. And there is NOTHING you can do, except sit and mope around, and crib about it, OR lock yourself in the bathroom for 2hours and just look into your own eyes in the mirror and believe in yourself. Believe in the possibility that you can and will make it out of this. This situation, that to the world, is so trivial, but to you, means the world.
This stupid turn of events, that you never did foresee, but it came anyway, unexpected, like a void in your life. And to stop it from making your life and you feel empty, and like an outcast, all you can do, is ... be patient. Believe. Believe. and Believe.
In yourself. In your own statement , that - "the only one with the power to bring change to my life and my mission and passion, should be and always will be, ONLY me!" And to throw this line in the face of Destiny , and without a slang word or a feisty Karate kick, just walk away.
Thing is, it really doesn't help, if, through all of this, your friends aren't with you... those of them who can understand the situation, those of them who are capable of making you feel alive and remain yourself in the face of adversity, they're just not here... and that's when you add to your playlist that song that was made for this situation.
This is when you find yourself listening to Pink Floyd's - Wish You Were Here... or Hear You Me by Jimmy Eat World... over n over again. ... Wishing, that miraculously, somehow, those you wished for, might just land up beside you when you open your eyes.
Apparently not.. well anyway, at least you know that you're learning how to be patient, even though that volcano in you is boiling and raging within, covered with the lid of being alone.

This one's for you Dad... someone who's always been with me.. please come back.. After ages, I really need someone.

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